From Unworthiness to New Life: Saved and Renewed by Jesus' Love
Hey there! I'm Valkrisda, I have a testimony that will show God's grace in my life. This is my first post on Seeds of Truth.
It All Started With Pride…
I grew up in a Christian home and was a typical obedient teenager, working hard for my parent's validation and joining church activities. I felt proud to be an ideal Christian girl and believed God was good because I followed the rules. Despite my past mistakes, I thought God granted my wishes because I was a "good girl." However, this mindset made me feel bitter.
I had to deal with unexpected plans. My education and career plans fell through, family issues took my focus, and I felt let down by those I trusted—all at the same time.
I want to find peace. I was angry and let down by God, wondering why I ended up in this situation. For seven years, I began each day struggling with negative feelings because things didn't change as I hoped. This led me to depend more on myself rather than on God and to create my idea of a happy, successful life.
My version of a peaceful life turned out to be an illusion. I sought validation in everything—comparing myself to my friends, needing compliments on my work, pursuing attention from a guy who does not believe in God, overeating, purchasing pointless items, and more.
These actions hurt my social life and harm my mental and physical health. A professional diagnosed me with Dysthymia, a long-term mood disorder that causes ongoing sadness and hopelessness. I followed my doctor’s advice, took medication, went to regular appointments, read many books and articles, and tried various self-improvement and self-love methods I found online.
The negative feelings disappeared for a moment and were replaced by a growing sense of unworthiness. As I felt more hopeless, memories of my life with God—reading the Bible, praying, and helping others—came back to me, reminding me that true peace comes from within God.
How God Used People Around Me
I prayed to God but doubted the power of prayer and relied more on my efforts than on Him. My days felt harder, and I faced a spiritual battle I had never experienced. My uncle advised me to share my feelings with God, reminding me that He loves us when we talk to Him.
Ever since then, there has been one prayer that I said almost every day:
"Forgive me, God. Can I come back to you? I've gone too far. I hurt Your heart so deeply. Is there still a chance for me? God, I just want to live in peace, I'm tired of all this. I don't know how. Please, God, if you want to help me come back to You.”
On October 14, 2023, I met a new friend named Lukas. We talked for about a week, and he reminded me to follow God's word and commandments. He emphasized that the Word of God should guide our decisions.
Jesus Renewed My Life
On October 18, 2023, I began my day normally, sitting at my desk and praying. Suddenly, I felt warmth on my shoulder. A gentle, bright light was around me as I opened my eyes. Everything felt quiet, and time seemed to stop. I had a peaceful heart full of happiness, joy, and warmth that was difficult to explain. I suddenly became enthusiastic. I still had hope to return and live in God's path.
I didn't fully grasp what happened on October 18 until eleven days later. I was filled with joy but had many thoughts. I asked God, "What should I do now? How should I pray? Which part of the Bible should I read first?"
On November 3, I told my uncle everything from October 14. He said Lukas was part of God's plan and advised me to read the Gospel of Luke (Lukas means Luke in English). Each chapter from the Gospel of Luke helped me solve my issues and deepened my understanding of Jesus.
The Gospel of Luke is the beginning of my journey with God. After reading the 24 chapters of the Gospel of Luke, I committed to read the Bible daily. God speaks to me through His word and leads me with patience, and full of love.
God has given me three key guidelines for starting a new life with Him:
Peace and prosperity can only be found in holiness. Holiness is living in a way that pleases God. God showed me the mistakes in my life through the Bible. God guides me to live in holiness.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding; in all your ways know him, and he will make your paths straight.” — Proverbs 3:5-6
This verse shares my journey. I learned to trust God fully, and He guided me to the truth. I used to believe my success was due to my hard work, but God showed me it was His grace and the Holy Spirit that led me.
Consistency in the Word of God. God's Word is always consistent. This is why we should live by God's way and turn away from our old, worldly habits. To live consistently with God, we must commit to and obey Him.
“No one can serve two masters, since either he will hate one and love the other, or he will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.“ — Matthew 6:24
This verse taught me to let go of my old, unhealthy habits. I used to love astrology, Harry Potter, and K-pop and would start my mornings with social media. God led me to replace these habits with ones that draw me closer to Him. Now, I read the Bible before using my phone in the morning, listen to sermons, and follow Christian influencers who share the gospel. This change has helped me live a meaningful and consistent life with God.
Fellowship based on Christ. Jesus introduced me to many people who supported me in my relationship with God. I have spiritual friends, Christian leaders, and uplifting content that help me better understand the Bible and get to know Jesus more.
God spoke to me, helping me through tough times since being reborn in Christ. Before, I felt unworthy of life or of returning to God. But God has a different plan and led me with love. While life challenges don't just disappear after being reborn, God is always with me, the true peace lives inside me so I can live each day as He wants. As it is written in Philippians 4:7.
“And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”
In tough times or moments of joy, pray to the Lord. He loves to hear your feelings, struggles, and successes. Remember that God is always just a prayer away, ready to give you His love and grace.
God continues to shape me daily, revealing His plans for my life one at a time. This journey is a lifelong journey with Jesus Christ. Praise the Lord! Jesus loves us.
Do you have similar stories to mine? I would love to hear your stories about Jesus. Let me know through comments.
